Friday, November 23, 2007

Ruminating

It's almost midnight, and here I am back again, typing at my little PC that I have grown to love. I shopped as did a million others here, on black Friday, taking advantage of the sales that retailers put out to prevent a gloomy year end forecast. This year, I did something intrinsically different, I went towards the Christmas aisle, shopping for a tree. Call it the living alone crisis. I have become bored not celebrating festivals at all, doing the same thing over and over, that I felt this time I needed my Navarathri or Karthigai (which by the way seems to be tomorrow, coincidence?) fix for myself. Hence the tree, complete with tinsel, lights and glass ornaments. The last time we had a tree was about ten years ago or more, me and my cousins being whimsical as ever, making a makeshift tree out of tropical evergreens (as they all are) and homemade ornaments. I still remember our presents under the tree (towels with Huey, Dewey and Louie on them).

I have always loved Christmas trees, and I am still pretty proud, and keep looking up at the shimmering lights. Strangely, the tree makes me feel more at home, keeping me company, as a puppy might be.

These days I feel lonely, content, depressed yet satisfied all at the same time. I can't help but wonder why is it so difficult for people to give others a chance at their own life. Everyone has their own two pence of ideas, given any topic, whether the other person needs it or not. This is so connected to our culture, which is why I love to hate it at times. I sometimes love my disconnect and revel in it as often as I do feel it and get that invariable urge to pick up the phone and call somebody or keep my T.V. on for company's sake and remain sleepless until early into the next day.

Culture, society, rules.. why do they matter? why do we care? I can keep up with anything, as long as it does not interfere my lifestyle. The moment it does, I do not like it anymore. I am happy with not knowing who my neighbors are, yet smiling and wishing them good morning, or holding the door open for them. I love hanging out with friends, as they don't tell me what to do with my life. It is my own to live. I just hope and wish that we (including me) learn to accept things as they are, and not want things to change for us, unless it involves us and only us. Then I guess it is a different story.

4 comments:

Raaj said...

lonely, content, depressed.. and yet satisfied..
guess u have already discovered the secret to survival..

Divya Das said...

spoke like a clueless person in the twenties.. its just the settling down phase, when you know not what to look forward to, but most importantly hang in there and it will all fall in place!

NIRMAL said...

Hi,
I personally think as you grow up you dont want others be it neighbors,colleagues at work not to instruct you or tell you what is good /bad for you.Infact we make our choices in that age.Acceptance of life is one of the best human emotion to one has to possess.

December? can we expect a red template?

Zero said...

Except that one of the things many of us want to change for "us and only us" is that we're 'cared' about by others (the other "us"). That proverbial word, 'care,' you know.